Net Pirate Hangs

For the first time, a person has been convicted for using torrents to pirate movies:

Chan Nai-ming, who used the alias ‘Big Crook’ on the peer-to-peer BitTorrent network, was found guilty in October 2005 of copyright infringement and attempting to distribute three Hollywood movies using the popular file-sharing software.

Well, you really shouldn’t use a name like ‘Big Crook’ – kinda hurts your possibility of defence by already labeling yourself as crook – and considering the movies you downloaded:

The three movies Chan was convicted of pirating were Dare-Devil, Miss Congeniality and Red Planet.

Yeah, you should be imprisoned in a federal ‘pound you in the ass’ prison for distributing that shit to the rest of the world. Three months in jail isn’t enough.

Panty Raid

Police in Lubbock (I guess we should just stop threre, but no) raided a lingerie shop and have arrested the store clerk:

The lingerie store, Somethin’ Sexy was raided by police last week for violating Lubbock’s sexually oriented business ordinance.

Well, the article is wrong; it’s not Lubbock’s SOB ordinance – it’s the state penal code, in which, according to Title 9, chapter 43.23 (f):

A person who possesses six or more obscene devices or identical or similar obscene articles is presumed to possess them with intent to promote the same.

An obscene device being defined as:

“Obscene device” means a device including a dildo or artificial vagina, designed or marketed as useful primarily for  the stimulation of human genital organs.

This really is a ridiculous law which has been on the books since the 70’s, and as long as you can say that you were selling it for “a bona fide medical, psychiatric, judicial, legislative, or law enforcement purpose” then you won’t have a problem. Unfortunately, the owner of Somethin’ Sexy didn’t know that. And as the Austin Chronicle wrote way back in 2000:

How much you can get away with depends on how strictly local police choose to enforce the law.

Well, apparently, the police and District Attorney in Lubbock are quite strict, not to mention retarded:

“If they tell them this is a candle put in on the birthday cake this is a novelty if they tell you to use it to enjoy sexual gratification, its no longer a candle on the birthday cake” says Assistant D.A. John Grace.

What? How the hell does this even remotely look like a candle? Do you put a wick on it? And why in the fuck would you put it on a birthday cake? You don’t know where that thing has been. It may have been in the nether regions of the person who’s birthday we’re celebrating, or in the nethers of the person throwing the party. No cake for me, thanks.

But we wouldn’t end there, oh no:

“If the seller is selling it as a novelty and the buyer is buying it as a novelty to make fun of, then it probably has not reached the level of an obscenity” says Grace.

Well, the douche DA doesn’t understand the law then, because it does not allow it to be sold as a “novelty.” As noted above, according to Title 9, Chapter 43.23 (g), you cannot sell these “obscene devices” except for “a bona fide medical, psychiatric, judicial, legislative, or law enforcement purpose.” Novelty item wouldn’t seem to fall in there.

The problem seems to be that the DA can’t imagine these things being used to get off, or perhaps his wife has replaced him and this is his way of getting back at the dildo. Unfortunately, an innocent clerk got caught in the middle of his revenge and could wind up being a registered sex offender for the rest of her life.